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I just watched the movie “The Best of Enemies” and was so inspired! It is the perfect movie for our divisive times. Can “enemies” work together to make social change? Watch it and find out.

The Story

“The Best of Enemies” incorporated some of my favorite things: social leadership, redemption…and charrettes (he he). The film recounts the true story of the unlikely friendship between an African American activist and the President of the Ku Klux Klan in 1970’s Durham, North Carolina.

My Takeaways

Allow People to Change

In order for things to change in the world, you must allow people to change. That means that you need to be less punitive with people’s past “bad” actions and bet more on redemption. For example, Durham became a little bit less racist when racist people changed. Abandoning your mental bunker can be a very scary and isolating experience. So, give people who do so a soft place to land. This also takes courage. Letting things go to get to a better place is not easy.

Be Vulnerable

Someone has to extend the olive branch first. So, it might as well be you. Opening your hand to your “enemy” might feel wrong or crazy. It leaves you vulnerable to attack. It’s also the most courageous thing you can do. You take a leap of faith and build a bridge, hoping the other person crosses it. Every positive change starts with an act of great vulnerability.

Respect

Always approach everyone with respect, whether or not they reciprocate. Giving respect and taking the high road says a lot about you. It let’s people know they can trust you, even if they are not ready to see it. It also makes your “enemies” more likely to give you respect.

Allow Yourself to Be Surprised

I am always perplexed by people who are 100% sure about stuff. That type of entrenchment may be a sign of ignorance or fear. The world is complex. People are complicated. Situations are messy. So, keep an open mind and allow others to surprise you. You may have more in common with your “enemy” than you think.

Trust the Process

There are many wonderful conflict resolution and collaboration processes available. These include the round table, human-centered design, or charrettes, like those in the movie. If you are engaged in such a process, trust the tools and professionals involved. Allow the process to work.

Practice Empathy

Listen to your “enemy” to understand them, not to respond. Try to put yourself in their shoes.

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