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As a social leader, you need to learn to apologize effectively. Sometimes, things don’t work out. You make mistakes that might hurt someone. An effective apology conveys understanding and regret while building a bridge towards a positive future relationship. Learn to apologize in 4 easy steps.

Authenticity is Key

Is anything more annoying than a fake apology?? If you or your organization have potentially done someone wrong, do a bit of soul searching. Apologize only when you feel true remorse.

Why Not “I’m Sorry”?

For many, “sorry” has become a crutch or a throwaway line. It’s a go-to line that may or may not express true remorse about a past action. And, it rarely conveys a plan for correction moving forward. It’s not that a sincere “I’m sorry” is bad. It is just that this 4-step apology is better.

Apologize in these 4 Easy Steps

I first encountered these steps while attending a Coachville Power of Groups class. Students did a role play I found truly inspiring. Although the steps are easy, their effect is profound.

Step 1: Admit You Are Wrong

Admitting you are in the wrong, both to yourself and the person receiving the apology, is powerful. It diffuses the situation and opens the door for the other person to really listen.

Step 2: Apologize For Doing “X”

Say “I apologize for doing _______”. This step forces you to do some introspection by figuring out what you did that was hurtful. It also shows the other person that you understand the wrong. Be specific and avoid the temptation to be passive aggressive (ie. “I apologize that my perfectly reasonable statement hurt your snowflake feelings”).

Step 3: Ask “What Can I Do to Make Amends?”

This is where you start building towards a better future relationship. Allow the other person to tell you how to make things better. If you can accommodate their request, do so gracefully. If not, sincerely offer your best alternative. You may be apologizing to a community or a group of people. In that case, allow them the space to discuss and come to an agreement. The key to this step is to listen actively and incorporate what you hear to your future interactions.

Step 4: Recommit to Your Relationship

Let the other person know that you value them and are committed to your relationship. This is the cue to heal and leave the wrong in the past. Yet, ensure you carry the lessons learned into the future.

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